Salem and the Plan that went awfully wrong!
by Crazy Gal
Summary: As I have now finished “Who Stole Kitty’s Whiskers” I thought i would try writing an empathy story. it is very funny (apparently)


SALEM AND THE PLAN THAT WENT AWFULLY WRONG!!!!!! 

DISCLAIMER: I own every single person in this story that is about to be told-obviously a HUGE joke, I own zilch. I wish I was Melissa Joan Hart, but WHO CARES? 

Life is not good for me. Oh no. I am but a mere house pet, one to be mocked, ignored, and have smelly fish heads thrown at. Who cares about the common cat? I have a plan-a plan so great, no-one will find out about it! Not until the damage is done, anyway. Now where's that fish head??? Hmm... 

In case you stupid, idiotic people who are reading this story that is going to bore you to death haven't realised, I am Salem Saberhagen. The Spellman Family Cat, with a capital...ummm....never mind. And I have had enough. It is time some action was taken over how I AM TREATED! But be warned, dear reader-this plan could go awfully wrong... DUM DUM DAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I was sitting in the kitchen one morning, waiting for someone to FEED THE CAT. No-one came, and it was already 9 am. Then I realised...IT WAS SATURDAY! 

If you can manage to awake dear Sabrina Spellman you are a miracle maker. The alarm clock is set to WAKE THE DEAD. A special witch-setting. Luckily there are no dead people around. Although there is that cemetry under the house...never mind. The point of this long paragraph is that I WAS BORED. AND VERY HUNGRY.   
The man who invents the cat-tin-opener will be my idol. But no-one has yet. I will, when I am returned to my human body (and yes! I will not be bald! Read "Who Stole Kitty's Whiskers" by this author if you don't have a clue what I'm going on about.) I ran up the stairs four at a time (I wish) and jumped on Zelda, who screamed. This in turn woke up Hilda. It is like playing dominoes in this house.   
"Salem!" said Zelda in her usual, I-will-only-use-this-voice-when-I-am-knackered voice. "What do you want?"   
"Food?" I asked, as if that was plainly clear.   
"What?"   
"You know, the thing you digest, the thing you love. Ice-cream!" I groaned. "I want ice-cream!"   
"Oh my gosh, it's a quarter-past nine. Thank you for waking me up Salem. I was going to invent a cure for Cystic Fibrosis today," she said.   
"And feed the cat," I reminded her.   
She was out of bed by now, going into the bathroom and flashing out again, fully clothed (thank god.)   
"Yes, and feed the cat," she muttered. "Hydrogen plus half magnesium and a pinch of-yes!"   
"Food?"   
"Oh, shut up," she said, and she pointed me some food.   
"Yum!" I said. "Kipper. Lovely taste, awful smell. Will put up with that." I greedily "tucked in" and Zelda went downstairs.   
I licked my lips and decided I'd go and see if Sabrina was awake. She was. She was talking into her mirror, saying: "Oh I do love you, oh you're so sweet!"   
"Talking about me again?" I asked, springing onto her bed.   
"Salem! I've told you not to come in my bedroom without knocking!" she exclaimed.   
"That is a good way of making sure I never come in," I said, examining my paws. "How could these little things KNOCK? They can't even do magic!"   
"For your information, I was talking about J-Harvey," she said quickly.   
"Who is J?"   
Sabrina scowled. "No-one. I just got my tongue all twisted up!" She jumped back onto her bed. "I love Saturdays," she said.   
"J-hmm. Jack, John, Julian, Josh, Ja-wait a minute," I said. "You fancy Josh! Your boss!"   
"Poet!" retorted Sabrina.   
"If only I could tell Harvey," I said. "I will, when I return to human."   
"Yeah? Me and Harvey will be married and away from this dump by then!" she said. "Me and Harvey, not Josh. But..."   
"But what?"   
"I do fancy him," she admitted. "You're not allowed to tell anyone 'cos I didn't have to tell you," she warned. "I'm the one with power!"   
"Yeah?" I laughed. "You wait. You'll be sorry."   
"Salem!"   
I ran out the door, laughing. The plan suddenly hit me, just then. I knew Zelda had a magic-turner in the loft. And I also knew she wanted moi to tidy out my part of the loft, but I refused. Hee-hee.   
"Zelda?" I asked.   
"In the room, Salem," she called. "You need to tidy out the loft soon."   
"I will do it. Now, if you want," I said majestically.   
She pushed away her lap top. "Really?" she said, her eyes sparkling. "That is so good of you!"   
She picked me up and carried me upstairs. "I'll shut the loft board," she said. "I'll come and get you in half an hour."   
"Perfect-I mean, lovely," I said. "Just enough time," I muttered, as she shut the board.   
I hunted for about 15 minutes for this magic turner. You're probably wondering what it is, aren't you? Well, it's a little black coat, so no-one will notice I'm wearing it. If someone casts a spell on you, good or bad, then you get a little of their power. They don't notice it's gone-not untill they've done it about 10 times, that is. If someone, or a number of people, cast 10 spells on you altogether, you would have enough power to do really cool spells. It doesn't run out, either, not unless I cast a spell on them back. Which wouldn't happen-for about 100 years. Hahahaha!   
And they don't get replacement magic. They lose tons sometimes.   
"Aha!" I said. "Found it!"   
It was a little black coat. I don't know how I managed to get it on, but I did. It fitted quite snugly. I looked at my self in the mirror.   
"Great!" I said.   
I quickly tidied up the mess in my part of the loft. Zelda came up, on her word, and brought me down.   
"You seem a little fatter Salem," she said. I laughed. "Now I need to go to sort my stuff out."   
"OK," I said.   
I ran downstairs, two at a time (really!) Hilda is in the kitchen.   
"Salem!" she said. "Did you eat all the Cheerios?"   
"Yup," I said.   
"Well, I'm going to have to cast a body binding spell then, aren't I?" she said.   
"I guess so," I sighed.   
She points at me and I'm bound up. "Soon I will have power," I whispered to myself.   
"Hilda?" called Zelda, running downstairs. "Have you seen that little black jacket? The one that, if you wear it, and someone casts a spell on you, you get cancer?"   
"What?????" I squealed.   
"I've got the one where you recieve the other person's power here," she said.   
"Then that means...I'm gonna get CANCER!" I screamed. "Undo the spell, quickly! Oh my god!!!!" 

FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS IN CHAPTER 2!!!!!!! 


End file.
